Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'.
It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windscreen.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.